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TJL's Favourite Jamaican Songs of 2011

djncoke@hotmail.com (by Barefoot Poet) — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 23:43:26 GMT

The year 2011 provided Jamaicans with many irritating distractions including a General Election, the Manatt Phelps Phillips enquiry and the JDIP scandal. Despite the pointless, self-defeating drama that is Jamaica’s politics, we were able to find entertainment and respite in a thriving music industry which churned out scores of fun, danceable tracks to take our minds off our problems. ThingsJamaicansLove.com’s favourite songs for 2011 were:

Things That Make You Go Hmm...

djncoke@hotmail.com (by Prometheus) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 19:44:38 GMT

Jamaica is an intruiging place. For the philosophically inclined there are many profound existential and metaphysical questions upon which to ponder. For example:

Why do bulla and pear taste so good together? Hmm…

How comes taxi drivers never seem to crash and die violently when they do all kinda madness on the road? Hmm…

In the age of Facebook, Twitter and videoconferencing why do people still love to send Greetings from Farin on tv at Christmas time? Hmm…

How comes the mentally ill men seen wandering naked on the streets of Kingston always seem to have extremely long____? Hmmm…

Were “Shower” and “Power” intentionally designed to rhyme? Hmm…

Things Your Mother Used to Say When She Beat You

djncoke@hotmail.com (by Cool an Deadly) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 23:53:53 GMT

As a somewhat precocious child (my parents preferred the word “rude") I was often in trouble with my parents. My parents, on the other hand, were old-fashioned Jamaicans who believed that the remedy for “precociousness” was a good flogging every now and then. We can argue about the merits of corporal punishment but what always fascinated me was the fact that the flogging alone was never enough. There was always some kind of verbal commentary before/during/after the process. I’ve taken a moment to jot down down some of those comments along with my thoughts on those comments as they were said to me. If you were also a precocious child some of them may sound familiar to you -

TJL's Awards for the Worst Roads in Kingston 2010/2011

djncoke@hotmail.com (by El Presidente) — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 23:33:35 GMT

Ladies and gentlemen, here at ThingsJamaicansLove.com we believe in recognising exceptional performance in whatever field of endeavour it may occur. One area in which Jamaica has consistently produced remarkable performances is bad roads. Jamaica’s performances in this area are so numerous and the standard so “high” that its almost impossible to say which are the worst of our terrible roads. We went ahead and tried anyway. So, without further ado, the Nominees for ThingsJamaicansLove.com’s Worst Roads in Kingston & St. Andrew 2010/2011 are:

Being Thrifty

djncoke@hotmail.com (by El Presidente) — Fri, 06 May 2011 23:19:54 GMT

My mother believes that being thrifty is the key to heaven. That’s the only way I can explain why a woman who’s been comfortably middle class for quite a long time still has an almost religious belief in frugality. And its not because I haven’t tried hard to understand from whence this passion comes. I’ve wondered whether it may have been instilled in her as a poor child in the 1950s (she was the 8th of 11 kids) when she grew up in a rural community in the hills of Clarendon and every shilling was the meagre reward for her father’s back-breaking labour on a small plot of farmland. Whatever the reason, one thing I can tell you for certain is that my mother is an absolute fiend when it comes to being thrifty.

nanny

djncoke@hotmail.com (by Valerius Decimus Jamaicanus) — Mon, 02 May 2011 19:57:29 GMT

i, nanny, queen
nanny, chanted slow--
naaah-neee-- a rolling name

i, nanny, torching
souls and cane-fields
with roiling flames

of words like follow me love me

how could it be
i, nanny, warrior--
             never bended low
             never with child
             never with rounded breast
on anyone's tongue--
am the mother of all you marooned?

Things That Drove Us Crazy in 2010

djncoke@hotmail.com (by El Presidente) — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 00:23:19 GMT

It seems to me that it’s not the big things that cause ordinary people to lose their minds and wind up as permanent, straight-jacket-wearing residents of Bellevue Hospital. In fact, every day, large numbers of people work their way through divorces, redundancies, deaths of loved ones and manage to get on with their lives. The things that are most likely to drive us insane are those little, repetitive, exasperating things that happen over and over again and slowly drive us mad. We all put up with a lot of those things last year and, because venting is supposed to be good for one’s mental health, here’s my list of things that (almost) drove me crazy in 2010:

Jamaican Motor Vehicle Collision Etiquette for Beginners

djncoke@hotmail.com (by Bush Doctor) — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 23:04:41 GMT

In other countries, when there has been a traffic accident, the drivers involved know that they are required to exchange their particulars and immediately report the matter to the police. In Jamaica the procedure is slightly different. Having been involved in a collision anywhere on the roads of Jamaica you should:

1. Bring your car to a screeching halt in the middle of the road.

2. Jump out of your car leaving the door open and engine running.

3. Race over to the other driver/rider, gesticulating wildly and screaming abuse at them (even if you’re at fault).

TJL's Favourite Jamaican Slangs/Sayings of 2010

djncoke@hotmail.com (by Cool an Deadly) — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 23:09:54 GMT

Who on earth can keep up with Jamaican slang terminology? As far as we’re concerned only 14 year olds and dancehall DJs have that special gift, but despite that, we’re still fascinated by the brilliantly inventive, lightening-quick, non-stop evolution of popular speech in Jamaica. Here are some of our favourite slang words/phrases of 2010:

TJL’s Favourite Jamaican Songs of 2010

thingsjamaicanslove@gmail.com (by Cool an Deadly) — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 22:56:51 GMT

Even when money to spend, sensible leaders, and pot-hole free roads are in short supply, one thing Jamaica always has in abundance is music. This article celebrates some of the songs ThingsJamaicansLove enjoyed most in 2010:

Count Your Blessings – Nas and Junior Gong. “I’ve got love and assurance, I’ve got new health insurance, I’ve strength and endurance, so I count my blessings” Nas and Junior Gong’s exhortation to appreciate the simple things in life was one of our favourite conscious tunes of the year.

Drinking Rum (Rum and Red Bull) – Future Fambo and Beenie Man. We suspect this was probably the biggest party song of the year? TJL heard this song at wedding receptions, birthday parties, football matches, dances and uptown sessions - and guess what? It done di place every single time. As big as this song was, it might be more fair to say that the bigger hit was the “One Day” riddim by Seanizzle on which the song was recorded. Other hit songs on the One Day riddim were Swaggerific (Mr. G.), I’m Ok (Beenie Man), Wifey Walk Out (Liquid) and the monster hit Nah Sell out mi Fren (Khago).