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What the athletes at the World Championships were really thinking

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berlin

It was certainly interesting to watch the interviews with the athletes at the recently–concluded World Championships. Live interviews give you a reasonable opportunity to get to know the person better. But one sometimes suspects that the athletes are being politically correct or are “sticking to the script” in their responses.  What if we could actually get into the heads of these elite athletes and hear their thoughts before and after a race?  Wouldn’t that be interesting?  As it turns out thingsjamaicanslove.com has obtained access to top-secret software that lets you do just that. (Don’t ask how. We know people that know people…) So, here are some of the things the athletes at the World Championships in Berlin were thinking:

Brigitte Foster-Hylton – Jamaica - Waiting for the results of the Women’s 110m Hurdles at the finish line: “Oh wow, the finish was really close.  I wonder where I placed?  Well, whatever happens, it’s ok.  I’m just going to be very calm and gracious about the whole thing.  It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s… I won??? I WON!!! I WON!!! I WON!!!”

Usain Bolt – Jamaica – Men’s 100m:

At the Starting line:  “Hmm…  I wonder what’s for dinner?  Should I give them the Sweep at the finish line, or the Gully Creeper?  I hope I can keep my new BMW longer than the last one.”

“Oh, is that the starting gun?”

At the 50 yard line: “Ok, lemme turn on the turbo charger right here”

At the 80m line:  “Rahtid, is where Tyson disappear to? He was right beside me jus’ a second ago.”

At the finish line: “Yawwwwn”

On the victory lap: “If this photographer don’t come outta mi way, I’m gonna run him over like a stray dog”

American athletes: “Where can I get some of that yam?”

The Residents of Sherwood Content (Bolt’s home town):  I got some yam for you right here, buddy!

Athletes from all over the world:  “I’m gonna play the ass whenever the camera is on me at the starting line.  If it works for Usain…”

Kerron Stewart – Jamaica- At the finish line of the Women’s 100m:  “If they just had ONE extra metre in this race!”

Tyson Gay- USA – Men’s 100m:

At the starting line:  “The gold medal is mine! I’m an American, dammit! I got this!

“I'm gonna run like I'm back in elementary school trying to escape the kids teasing me about my last name!”

At the finish line:  “I ran 9.71 and came second? SECOND???!!!”

Shawn Crawford – USA – Men’s 200m: “Why is that camera in my face? I'm gonna be all serious and give my best impersonation of Officer Dokes from Dexter...”

Wallace Spearmon – USA- During the Men’s 200m final: “Gotta stay in my lane! Gotta stay in my lane!  Can’t repeat Beijing!”

Dayron Robles - Cuba – Men’s 110m Hurdles:

At the starting line:  “Si, mi amigos, I’m gonna bring home the gold for Fidel!”

While clearing the first hurdle: “Ay caramba, di pain, di pain!”

After pulling up: “Madre de dios! Who put that hurdle right there?”

Sanya Richards – USA- Women’s 400m: “America better thank their lucky stars that I switched countries...”

Veronica Campbell – Jamaica – Women’s 4x100m: “Is wapm to Missa Quarrie an this run di turn argument?  If they think I’m going to take the chance of running the turn, possibly dropping the baton and then having to face a nation of angry Jamaicans afterwards, they have another thing coming. Lucky!”

Caster Semenya - South Africa – Women’s 800m: “Now why would anyone ever think (scratches stubble on chin thoughtfully) I'm a man?!”

“And why do the Jamaicans keep calling me See-man-ya?”

International Media: “If it walks like a man, talks like a man, runs like a man…  It’s a female runner from South Africa”

Berlino the World Championships mascot:  “Damn Melaine, you kinda heavy girl”

 

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written by Gaile, August 30, 2009
Asafa-"Please God, don't let Usain pick a dance that I don't know. And of course he did and now me look fool trying to do the James Brown shuffle, cho man!!"

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The Full Scrolling List

Hot Guinness

Fred Sandford, George Jefferson and Mr. T

Being militantly homophobic

LOUD Dancehall music

Fat girls

The Death Penalty

Violent feuds between dancehall artists

Hardough bread

Bulla an pear

Michael Jackson

Pretending to embrace the rastafarian culture

Not locking off the dance at 2am

Cussing America while keeping green card in a vault

Having a 'link dung a warf'

Good weed

Tax avoidance

Inept Politicians

Good Hair

Any tonic/potion/drink that promises improved sexual performance

Bleaching

Rambo

Sending greetings from farin at Chrstmas time

West Indies Cricket Team and the Reggae Boyz... when they are winning...

Dances that only a few people know how to do

Praedial larceny

Beating a praedial larcenist

Beating thieves in general

Six-a-side football

Cell phones

White rum

Dominoes

Having the reputation for being the most violent people in the world

A good "kickers" (martial arts movie)

A barrel from farin at christmas time/easter/new years/labour day...

Rims, spoilers, loud mufflers and other things that usually cost more than the car itself...

Buying licence

Patties

Fried chicken with curry goat/stew beef/ox-tail gravy

Cass-Cass

Weave

Scandal bags

Hockey and saltfish

Cawn pork

Banana flitters

Unquestioning devotion to either of the 2 major political parties

Migration

Freenis

Stew chicken for breakfast

Hot Red Stripe for breakfast

Thursday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday night street dance

Sky juice

Bag juice

Kisco pop

Souls (soul music)

Giving kids made-up names

Duppy Story

Nine Night

Country funerals

Goat feed

Banging pot covers at football matches/track meets/political rallies

Blocking roads

Demanding "Justice"

Cussing JPS

Tiefing light

Beating nations 20 times our size in a variety of sports

Jumping Fence

Threatening to apply "monkey lotion" on our female rivals

Hustling

Christmas breeze

Turning 20ft. shipping containers into homes, offices, restaurants and studios

Fry dumpling

Controversial radio talk show hosts

Sucking chicken bones after a meal

Running a boat

Milo

Horlicks

Disputes with family members about "Dead lef"

Devon House ice cream

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